when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
