Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
