For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
