it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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