You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
