You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
