i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize