He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
