We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
