oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
PANTIES FOUND
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