Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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