Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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