Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
