i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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