apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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