nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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