Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize