Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
