I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
