There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
