Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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