Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
