about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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