What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
