if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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