you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
