anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
