I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
