hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
