pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
