I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
