i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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