wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drunk is not a location!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
