it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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