nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm passing your future prison.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
