hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
