Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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