Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
