No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
