i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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