I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
