the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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