i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
