does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
