Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
