I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
