I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
