there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
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