He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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