So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
