I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
