The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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