It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My cat gives me a boner
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
