i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sarcasm needs its own font
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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