my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
