dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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