Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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