Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
