I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
