I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
