who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
look no pants
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
