thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
