I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
