I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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