I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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