I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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