im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
